This year has been a doozy. Oh who am I kidding. It has been just short of hell for most of the time with sprinkles of good times that kept me going and focused on the future. There were quite a few times when I really wanted to just throw in the towel, on just about every level. Yes, that towel. There's only so much a person can take after a while but thankfully I had some very good friends who kept me going and of course those sweet faces you see below. A few of those friends recently shed some light on just how much I did this year and how little I realized it. One of them told me in no uncertain terms to stop being so hard on myself, stop a second and realize just what I had survived and achieved. I had been so busy just getting through the day that I had failed to see the big picture. Despite my crashing and burning repeatedly, I still managed to keep Mood Swing open and paying the bills (barely and not without help from friends and relatives and always late, believe me) but they got paid. My kids are coming along about the divorce and are for the most part, happy little people. Again, and I know I'm flogging a dead horse in this blog, we'll get there. I just need to keep telling myself so I'll believe it.
Mood Swing is moving later this week into a studio space and out of this dinky house. I'm a bit scared because I've all but run my business into the ground this past fall and fear that I'm upgrading when I should be closing up but I need to take a chance and keep going. I think being around some folks I like every day will do wonders for my mental health not to mention production for the business. I used to dream of working at home but that dream ended years ago when I realized how difficult it is to turn work off when it lives with you. I'm going to keep going because if I haven't quit after this shitty year, I can't quit now.
Christmas was wonderful but bittersweet. Last year the kids stayed at their Dad's to keep the normalcy for them and I snuck over at 5am so I could be there when they woke up for Santa. That idea didn't fly for this year and luckily, Christmas landed on my week! It was just the three of us quietly watching Emmett Otter's Jug Band Christmas and eating a really lousy dinner (don't ask) but they had fun and opened a few presents after nagging me all day to open "at least onnnnnnnnee?????" Here's a shot of them in their new jammies (a tradition I accidentally started a few years ago) on Christmas Eve.
yes, they are that cute and i take full credit.
They woke up to find Santa had brought the Nintendo Dsi's they coveted in pink and blue, scooters and other stuff that Santa spent way too much money on but divorce guilt does that...then they were dropped off at their Dad's at 11 and I spent the rest of the day in tears. They traveled to their Dad's family beach house for the usual Christmas fare there and were having a great time being spoiled (as they deserve to be) when I spoke to them last night. I hope these shuffling to and fro holidays get easier. Somebody tell me they do?
Thanks friends for making me see this year a bit differently. I promise to give myself a break for 2010. Pinky swear.
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