It's my party and I'll cry if I want to

I'm 40.  Well, as of this posting I'm still technically 39 but who's counting?  I'm not that phased by the number really.  I'm so glad to still be here and to have these beautiful children to be with that I'm welcoming each new year.  However, that does not mean that I can't lament my youth gone by.  Today has been unbelievably unexciting.  No black balloons, no "lordy lordy kristen's 40" (thank you), no party, not one piece of cake, no drinks.  I'm a bit short on cash so today was just another day really.  But now that I'm at the end of the day and having time to think, I'm kind of bummed!  Mainly because the kids were heartbroken when they found out that we weren't having the karaoke party like we had discussed and oh my gosh, no cake???!!!  They were incredulous.

My mom made my birthday a big deal when I was growing up so I blame her for my birthday ego but I carried it into my adulthood with joy.  For the past 3 years I've sadly done nothing (either too broke or too depressed or both) but before that there was always always always a pumpkin carving party, or a potluck with a keg, or a huge pot of hot cider and rum and even costumes on some years.  Next year will be better financially than the past two and I hope I won't be as blah as I have been in the past but next year....look out 41.  My birthday will be on a Saturday and there will be 3 years of absence for which to make up.  This year is a wash but next year will be epic.  I'm already planning the guest list.